4

You’re scared.

My eyes are closed.

You get comfortable.

I let go.

You hold on so tight everything slips.

I trust you. I fall. You drop me off the ledge of safety into the pool of contentment and I’m drowning

Drowning

Drowning

Drowning in your indecision and cruel compliments. Smashed by the wave of your careless eyes, and I go down, seeing only you as you fix your eyes on the horizon. My chest is water, my lungs hitch, my eyes go dark.

So I’m a ghost of a girl. The shell of a woman you can’t love because you love her too much to let go of what she is. I’m nothing more than a high five and an easy laugh at your jokes. I’m not worth the risk, not worth the time. I’m not worth loving or hating or adoring or craving or fighting for. You think you can ride on our friendship because you’re scared to jump; it’s already sinking.